Fugly

Have you ever just felt fugly? You know...fu**ing ugly!?! Normally I'm the type of girl that could care less how others see me, if I feel I look good than damn it, I.look.good! And I'm a true believer in "rocking whatcha got, when you've got it"! Meaning that I'm not going to spend every waking minute worrying about what body type I have, if anyone is going to think I'm fat,  if my clothes are ok, how's my hair?? Basically meaning I'm not going to stress my appearance!! Now I'm not saying I don't put thought or effort into myself, I really do like looking nice but I hate the constant worry that you might not be good enough! And you might be a lot more fun or have a lot more friends if you just lost a couple (or 20) pounds!  But I have to admit that I've fallen into a state of fugly, I still put on a brave face but deep down my appearance is depressing me and it all centers around my...you guessed it....weight! That damn baby (you can still say baby weight a year and a half later right?) weight!! Amongst other issues that is the biggest and seems to be the one that makes me the saddest.  It's not that it's not coming off, cause it is..thanks to advocare but it's just not coming off very fast and I'm left in that awkward in-between sizes phase where your 12's are to big and give you diaper butt but you can't button your 10's, that awkward phase where your face has started slimming out all except for your double chin, that awkward phase where you just simply feel FUGLY!!  My state of fugly has officially peaked, I have spent the majority of this week stressing and planning my outfit for a public event, nothing fancy, in fact I am pouring beer at a beer festival but my stress comes from wanting to look good; not just good...HOT! So hot that people want to come to our booth, so hot that people will say..screw the beer, we want to talk to the hot blonde over there!! Ok ok, not really, I guess what I'm really looking for is for someone other than Little's Da to think I'm attractive, maybe a second look or a smile, maybe just maybe that's the confidence booster I need to snap out of this fugly gutter I've been stuck in!! What do you think? Do you ever just want to be ogled? Totally normal, right?!?